Remembering

I was working in the library. In between quarters its rather dull. Few patrons, lots of time sitting behind the counter and sharing gossip. We made a game of it "As the Pages Turn" life and times in the library system.

I remember someone coming in and telling us something happened in New York.

I remember cursing the computers that didn't load web pages fast enough.

I remember being grateful a dear friend recently left NY to move to Ohio.

I remember frantically making phone calls to those I loved.

I remember it was easier to reach my soldier in Korea than the one on the East Coast.

I left work early. Best boss ever said Of Course when I said I needed to go home. Watched tv for a few hours, but had to get away from it. Went the only place it made sense, the only place it ever makes sense for me to be...the beach.

Well the trucked in sandy patch nestled next to the man made lake a few miles north of us. We actually had plans to go that afternoon- a whole crew of us. Slowly the calls came in cancelling the plans. I never understood why. I told them I was still going. They were shocked.

I sat on the beach for hours. Basking in the warmth of the sun. Still playing phone tag and feeling frustrated with busy signals.

I remember the fear of not knowing when this would end.
of wondering what it would mean,

of wondering what would come next,
of what our response would be,

and what it would mean for those I love dearly.

But at the beach at least something made sense. The water lapped onto the shore, the sand felt crunchy beneath my feet. It was familiar, if I closed my eyes I could pretend I was at my childhood beach, where everything was still the same.

We have this book we read at school When Sophie Gets Angry my favorite line is towards the end as the little girl deals with her angry and begins to calm down- The whole wide world comforts her

I left the beach feeling better, promising myself if need be I could return in a few hours.

I had spent the summer working in a classroom of toddlers. My job was finished, but I thought of them. These lil ones have no idea how the world just changed. They won't be able to remember where they were when this happened.

Now I work with toddlers every day. These lil ones weren't even a glimmer in their parents eye when 9/11 happened. These little ones are so far removed from this event. An event that sticks out so clearly in my mind.

They'll read about it in history books and hear stories passed down. But they won't feel the reaction like I do when I hear 9/11. They can't pause and remember where they were when the news was broadcast. They'll have their own way of commemorating our history- but they won't know what it was like to be living that day. They'll never know the innocence and invincibility that they missed.